Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
