Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
