I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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