the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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