it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I cockslap morals
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
