Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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