I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
