I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
