that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
