For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
