i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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