i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
