don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
3pm strippers are depressing
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
