i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
