im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
