we have officially lost it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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