remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
