Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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