You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
