Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
