Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
