i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She even gives head with a lisp.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
