i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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