I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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