this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
