NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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