The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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