I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize