gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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