well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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