she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
