2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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