My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
