He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
