Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
