If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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