It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
