one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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