I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
