I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
