remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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