even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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