my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
