The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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