Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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