After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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