there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
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