If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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