call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
a search helicopter?!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
