So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Alive.
So much puke
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize