Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
