I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Even my vagina gasped.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This baby is an asshole
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
