Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
