Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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