Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
