Sponge bath it is.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
