yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
