HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
