I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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