He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize