i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
